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Monday, 7 February 2011,2/07/2011 12:06:00 am
On 7/2/2011Firstly , happy chinese new year ! hahax.. so many things to busy with during new year hahahx.. but 1 thing for sure is that i will have to make a tough decision... during visiting , 1 of my relatives accidentally said out that she saw my bf.. but my family do not know about it ... HOW !!! than i went home , got questioned by my mother ... she told me this"your father trust you alot , if he knows you break this trust , he will be very hard-broken... " i know ... but , i still like him ... i don know how ..GOD , i pray to you .. can you give me a solution which do not hurts both parties , i rather be the one being hurt than see the both of them being hurt caused of my stupid mistakes.. I am not saying that being you is a mistake , but the choice of being quiet... i seriously at a lost now..Should i give up on this relationship ? Should i continue to bluff and pretend that there is nothing ? I really don know what to do !! Heavenly father , this is the 1 time that really pray to you..Please give me a solution to this problems... i am really tired of thinking of so many things ... haiz..life suck !!The hope of being with you forever is now gone..but i wish to stay by your side..
Thursday, 30 December 2010,12/30/2010 01:06:00 am
On 30th december 2010,
Haix... sian .. it seems like this is the only place where i can really complained and write whatever i want... In a society like Singapore , money is all its matter .. For those rich people , they might feel that money is not everything and spent it on useless stuff .. But for those not so wealthy like me , money is everything althrough people say money don bring you happiness.. Today , i realised if you do not have money , nothing can be done ... Seeing my parents leading a tough life , having to tolerate friends and relatives comment ... Especially my grandfather , bringing up all my uncles and aunties , just by asking them for a merely $100 , they have to scold him untill like a begger .. What kind of shit is this !! He needs the money to see the skin doctor and not spend it on luxury goods or what ... All you guys know is to scold him whenever he ask for money ... Its a common thing to give money to your parents when they are old ... Why must you all still scold him and you guys only give $50 each month ... Other people gives few hundreds ..... seriously , sometimes i feel that althrough we are a family , but whatever is done is like a stranger ...Money can really changed a person's life... I hope that in this world there is no such thing as money ..so that everyone can lead a equal life and not compare around... haiz... Also , i have been skipping canoe polo trainning for the past few days , so guilty but i really don know what has happen to me ... Can someone tell me please , i need encouragement and love ....This few days , mummy came back hot tempered , always scold ... I suddenly feel that whatever i am doing is useless cause i can no longer get the same encouragement which i have gotten during secondary school ... Maybe it is just my thinking... School work has been pilling up , i have no idea how to clear it when there is so little time ... haix...seriously , life's suck at this point of time .... i wan to cry it out !!!!!!!!!!
Hoping you can understand me and be my support just for this period...=(
Saturday, 27 November 2010,11/27/2010 12:00:00 am
On 27Nov 2010
, Today had a good talk with my friend... seriously , maybe i am taking myself too seriously !! Thank you deardear for supporting me !! ahahax... i have decided to make my POly life a different level which is enjoyable and enriching !!hahax... for the past few months , i have encoutered a number of things which help me to understand what kind of world i am living in . All this experiences make me realised what are true friends and how a person can totally outcast you from their group for their own benefits ... It seems that only true friends which really care about you stay with you through thick and thin , be it you are sad or angry or even when you are being left behind ! So far , i didnt notice that i am such friend .... I really thought i was alone , but actually i was not .. hahahx... After all this experiences , it make me into a differnet person ..at first , i was badly affected by all of you guys stupid friend , i told myself "why do i even bother to apologise and still stick to you guy?"Than , i found out that actually , i can just enjoy without haveing to suffer in silence...Crying middle of the night , even till the extend of breaking down ...i feel stupid having to torture myself for useless things .... Deardear , what you told me about wasting my time on crying over them ...I finally realised what does that mean !! I have really realised how much time i have wasted on crying... I will become a much better person not going to care much about nonsense stuff...I WANT TO DO WELL AND GET INTO THE DIRECTOR'S HONOURS LIST !! i will prove to you guys whoever is looking on me !! hahahx... i will be more motivated now !!
I love you !! would you cry , if you see me crying ?? Would you save my soul tonight ?? would you be my hero???
Wednesday, 17 November 2010,11/17/2010 12:55:00 am
On 17 nov 2010 ,
haiz.. things have happen till this stage ! i don know wat can i do now.. seriously , why do you even bother to do this crap if you know you will hurt them so badly ! seriously , i hope that you really mean wat you say by not doing again ..Do you know how i feel when i was the first to be pin pointed at when i am not even the 1?? At the time when mummy cried , i don know how to react , this is the first time i have seen her so badly affected. Daddy also . I don know whether you side you or just ignore or help ... everything just down to MONEY !! it really can cause a person to resort to doing anything just to obtain money .. At that time , i really wished that i have money so that i can give to my parents .. i felt useless when i couldn't not do anything but just sit there and listen ... I promise i will one day earn alot of money and repay you for grooming me ... haiz... sian..why does this world uses money which can harm people and causes them to do bad things ..No wonder people say that money harms a person and cause them to be crazy ...haiz... how i wish i can have a world where no money is involved and happiness is always there..
i hope you are here to lend me your shoulder to cry on..really lost !
Sunday, 10 October 2010,10/10/2010 09:37:00 pm
On 10/10/10 Today was super tired after working for so long ..thought maybe i should just tkae a break from work..but after wat happen , i wished that i can work 24 hours so that i can avoid all this crap !! WTH !! is it my fault ?? why do i every time have to suffer all this crappy nonsense !!! having hair all over your bed , does it mean that you have to slp with it?? FUCK !!! i suddenly feel that maybe it is my fault , but after you came in and shouted saying"does it mean that you earn a little money , we all have to see your black face "... It suddenly hurt me so deeply that i feel that i am not part of this family no matter what i am trying to do , it seems that i cant blend in ... is it my fault to make noise when my bed is dirty by your stupid hair and being shouted cause i wanted my maid to change the bed sheet !! i feel worse than a maid !! WTF !! do you all even consider my feelings ... Why whenever i am injured or sick , nobody seems to care and when he is sick !! everyone rush to concern like he is dieing !! WTH !!! i hate it !! why so biased !!! suck !!!!!Everything he do is right , what i do is wrong !! Why i even trying so hard to study and do my best ... even working during holidays when i can be like other people just rot at home !! sian... i suddenly feel that home is just like a place where i can come back to sleep only... All the happiness , excitement of coming home is gone !! I dread going home and hearing complain , talking about other things ..not even 1 of you bother to ask and concern about me .... i hate this life !!!!!!Hoping that i can be with you and you would comfort me ... i really starting to lose myself ...
Tuesday, 14 September 2010,9/14/2010 11:25:00 pm
On 14 sept 2010, Thought that i can meet you since you do not have school... but end up , waited till 2 plus when you finally wake up .. Didn't meet ... Its'okay since i thought i could have just waited for another 2 days where we can have fun ! End up , at night , you asked me if whether the zoo trip could be cancel ... Do you know how much my heart was in pain at that time ... I told you before if you cant do it , don do it !! Remember the previous time where we just gave away the movie tickets , how much i was in pain and how i told you i don wished for it to happen !! WHY !! Why must you do this to me !! Fine , maybe i was being selfish but i cant seems to just forgive you ...Maybe i need some time .. This is like tearing open the wound that have recovered ! I have a mixture of feelings , whether to angry , disappointed , sad.... I don know !! i really don know ! Why am i even wasting my time crying over it !! I feel that i am being played around like a stupid thing ! It really feels terrible !! WTH am i thinking !! Thinking of the different food that i will be making , how much fun , so many pictures to take !! It seems that my dream has just been dashed , i seriously don know when to believe you ..Maybe you might think that i am selfish to only think of myself but i have waited long enough ... Neo prints , Zoo outing , Picnic , Rollerblading ... So many things that we once said we were going to do but was lack in time ... Now ?? So much time but .... maybe i should just forget about it ... I truly don understand you ... When do you really say what you mean ! God , please lead me i seriously don know what is there for me to do ...... Cried...You have hurt me deeply this time =(
Friday, 10 September 2010,9/10/2010 10:30:00 pm
On 10 sep 2010,Today , went to deardear house for hari raya !!! hope you enjoy your new year !!hahax..than went home to family day !!! than here we go to the alive gallery ahahhax..
hahax...actually it was quite fun hahax.. thanks to mummy company for giving us tickets to the Alive gallery !! hahax...
More pictures can be found on my facebook pages hahax..hehez...
Just heard that alot of things have happen !! WTF !!!!!!!!!!!!! Sometimes i wish that all this can just fucked off !!!! get on with my peaceful life !! It so irritating that i cant do anything when my loves one all being bullied right in front of my own eyes !! Its really fucking irritating to hear about it !! You guys just wait till i have grown up and have the ability to do things !! I make sure you guys will repay for what you have done 10 times more !!! DOUBLE FACES PERSONS !!!!!!!!!!! FUCKED OFF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I wished i can talk to you about it !!
Hello. I'm Rachael. I'm going to be 18 years old. I love him.